Following a speaking engagement I just had in Wisconsin, a father came up to me and said, "I need help, I am coaching my son and I think I am ruining him. I even went into the last game promising myself that I wouldn't say anything. It wasn't long and I couldn't take it and I started critiquing everything he was doing...all in the name of making him better. I don't know what to do, I am ruining our relationship, I am thinking that I need to quit coaching all together."
Wow, let's start with this...Coaching your child can be one of the biggest blessings in your life if it is handled properly. However, it can ruin your relationship with your child if you don't understand a few important principles. Let's discuss 3 keys to insure that coaching your child is a huge blessing and not a curse for your family!
1. Focus on the development of your child and the progress he/she makes everyday. Do not compare your child to other children and remember great coaches coach what their players can do not what they can't. If you error on the side of love and progress not production you will have the correct perspective.
2. Get the scoreboard out of your sight and mind! One of the biggest mistakes we make as coaches is to measure progress with the scoreboard or results. The scoreboard can hinder performance as we become obsessed with winning at all costs or worse...saying we performed well just because we won and we did not play well. Again focus on the progress and process your child is in regardless of score.
3. Most importantly, keep your perspective that sport is supposed to be fun and the reason you coach is to spend fun-time with your child and grow closer...not grow apart. You don't want your child to end up hating a sport or worse you just because he/she didn't do something the way you wanted them to.
Lastly, remember this great coaches, parents and leaders are easy to please and challenge their followers to new levels. Let's be easy to please and a little harder to satisfy!
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